Social rejection is an unavoidable part of adulthood. Nobody likes feeling left out by their friends or colleagues – after all, humans survive on a sense of community and social belonging – but when you suffer from social anxiety (SA), feeling ignored turns into a debilitating cocktail of insecurities. Exclusion feels like shit. When you have SA you’re constantly worried about engaging in social interactions. You worry if people will want to talk to you and, if they do, will you be able to hold the conversation? Will they find you interesting and funny? Will they want to hang out with you again? Or are they just pretending to like you? You second-guess everything you do or say. Even on the off-chance that an interaction goes well, you replay every little detail in your head, beating yourself up for any mistake you might have made (you most likely made none). But the worst thing about SA? Although being around people makes you break out in a cold sweat, you depend on it. Your self-esteem depends on it. Your happiness depends on it. How's that for a catch-22? The important thing is not to avoid things you're anxious about. By taking a risk, you can learn to tolerate your anxieties and expand your comfort zone. If you’re lucky enough not to suffer from SA, I only ask one thing: always extend the invitation. Even if you know for sure that someone can’t make it or won’t be interested. Even if you know they’ll probably reject the invitation, make them feel wanted, included, show them their presence is not only welcome but desired. I guarantee that the fact you thought of them will make them feel so much better. #withselflove #socialanxiety #help #bekind

To accept who we are without judgment or self-criticism is to be free from the burden of social conformity. True self-acceptance is to discover our authentic self and embrace the person that we find. However, for most of us, we are consumed with the opinions of others. We find ourself changing who we are, our appearance, our actions and even our beliefs - so that we can ’fit in’. But fitting-in is not why you're here; you're here to stand out, stand in your own light and shine! Acceptance means to accept yourself exactly as you are, knowing your worth and embracing your identity. Don't let the option of others dull your light! #selfacceptance #selflove #selfworth #withselflove

Why is it that so many of us fear change? Why do we feel our stomach drop and anxiety race through our veins at the mere thought of something different happening in our life? With change comes uncertainty, a lack of control and apprehension, all of which lead to WHAT IF thinking: - What if I don’t like it? - What if it’s worse? - What if I regret it? - What if... However, it’s within change where we find new and exciting aspects of life! Change brings challenges, adventure, new connections and most importantly... New Experiences. Change can seem scary, but once you learn to embrace the change you’ll discover a whole new world of possibilities. #withselflove #changeisgood #embracechange #selfconfidence #selfbelief

Anxiety is often related to a sense of control; anxiety can be caused by a lack of a sense of control in one or more areas of life. This lack of control can cause a powerless feeling in the face of fears and worries. The lack of a sense of control can leave us feeling anxious, worried, or fearful when we don’t think we should be. When you feel a vague, nagging worry, tension, edginess, or irritability but, frustratingly, can’t identify a reason, perhaps the anxiety is connected to sense of control. How, exactly, can this sense of control cause anxiety? And what can we do about it? While there are certain things we will never have control over, such as how someone is going to react to us or whether our loved one will arrive safely, we can absolutely take measures to increase our sense of control and thus decrease our anxiety. Consider where you can increase your sense of control. What small measures can you take to gain more control? Can you help your loved one make sure his/her car is in good driving condition and equip it with emergency supplies? Can you do your best at work while also creating a special savings account to draw from if you face unemployment? Identify where you can choose to let go. Pay attention to your what-ifs, worries, and fears. Identify specific things you can do to downsize your worry list and increase your sense of control. #withselflove #takebackcontrol

Self-confidence is not ego Self-confidence is having a real sense of pride with our achievements or appearance. It’s where we feel a sense of control and contentment with who we are and what we stand for. No matter how many people try to bring us down, criticise or judge us, we stand tall! Other people may try to make us feel ‘less than’ but when we stand in our truth and know our worth, our self-confidence will shine. So never let other peoples words bring you down. Take pride in who you are, because who you are is exactly who you need to be. #withselflove

There’s something in our mind-set that says we cannot possibly deserve positive feedback and therefore anyone who pays us a compliment must be either lying, misguided, or feeling sorry for us. This is that little extra-critical voice in our heads, externalised and projected onto others; as if it weren’t enough that we undermine ourselves, we force others to undermine us too. Think of the good we might do ourselves by easily accepting every compliment that’s offered us, even if we’re not entirely sure the person complimenting us is totally earnest. Instead of undermining our self-confidence, we would feed it. Instead of denigrating our achievements, we would promote them. And instead of tearing down relationships, we would strengthen them. A compliment is, after all, a kind of gift, and turning down a gift insults the person giving it, suggesting that you don’t value them as highly as they value (soon to be “valued”) you. #withselflove #selfconfidence #selfworth #mondaywisdom

Saturday night should be fun right ? Wrong. When you suffer from social anxiety this is far from fun. We feel the paranoia of judgements, criticism and ridicule that we feel from others whenever we’re in social situations 😩. Try to ask yourself these questions when you are in that situation. Is there any evidence that contradicts this thought? I coped fine last week when I was introduced to my brother's new partner. I never run out of things to say to my friends, so why should this be different. Can you identify any of the patterns of unhelpful thinking described earlier? I'm predicting the future. I'm imagining that it'll go badly but I can't say for sure how it will go. What would your friend say to you if they knew what you were thinking? They would probably say - don't be silly, you're always good company. How will you feel about this in 6 months time? I probably won't care. Even if it goes wrong I'll have forgotten about it by then. What are the costs and benefits of thinking in this way? Costs: It's making me nervous before I even go into the situation. It's made me feel inadequate. Benefits: I can't really think of any. Is there a another way of looking at this this situation? Even if I don't have anything to say, it's not just up to me to keep conversations going. It's everyone's responsibility. #withselflove #buildconfidence #anxietyrelief

Overthinking doesn't sound so bad on the surface--thinking is good, right? But overthinking can cause problems. When you overthink, your judgments get cloudy and your stress gets elevated. You spend too much time in the negative. It can become difficult to act. Before you can begin to address or cope with your habit of overthinking, you need to learn to be aware of it when it's happening. Any time you find yourself doubting or feeling stressed or anxious, step back and look at the situation and how you're responding. In that moment of awareness is the seed of the change you want to make. #withselflove #stopoverthinking #selfconfidenceiskey