Platypus.photo #178 . him: i’ve been online dating 11 years and you’re the first person i contacted. her: my profile was blank. i didn’t even upload a photo. him: let’s toast. to our first date. and the color blue. her: these first 5 minutes have been extraordinary. plus i like wine. him: i would like you to be my girlfriend. her: i accept. but i should warn you i’m wearing a push up bra. him: this isn’t my real hair. and i fart in my sleep. really loud. almost hourly. her: i’m insecure. i’ll probably follow you around secretly to see where you go each day. him: i eat a lot of microwave popcorn. even for dinner. her: i like that your belt color matches your shoes. and you have good posture. him: i like your fingers. i hope to kiss them soon. her: have you ever been to prison? him: no. you like guys who went to prison? her: no i was just curious. it’s better you haven’t been to prison. him: i got tingles. is this love? it feels like love. or i have to pee. her: i don’t want to break up with you ever. him: i’m getting sexually aroused. i’d better not stand up. her: i have butterflies. at home. just mentioning in case you don’t like them. him: i like butterflies. i also like butter. but i don’t like flies. her: i’ve never touched a penis. or been to paris. should we get married? him: married? wow! ok. i don’t think i own a suitcase. her: we can get wedding rings after dinner. him: how about before dinner? her: i really want to try their cobb salad. him: understood. oh. i don’t own a car. but i know how to juggle. her: i would like to have 4 kids. cause I like even numbers and that’s like two pairs of two. him: i’m excited cause you have nice eyelashes. plus i’ve never seen a cobb salad. her: i like that your hair wraps around your face. him: do you believe in fate and destiny and soul mates? her: no. not at all. but our meeting would be a good example of that. him: you’re pretty. and it’s nice weather outside. i hope i can make you happy. her: this is a nice first date. i hope i will be a good wife for you.