Someone strung together these two words in a conversation this week: Catastrophic. Rejection. She said it is birthed the moment in our lives that we begin to feel guarded or concerned with others rejecting us. I have suffered entertaining perceived rejection since I was 11. Even when I’m not rejected, I create a separate story in my mind where I am rejected so I can prepare myself when it happens. Because it always happens.
Because I make it happen.
I pulled this card yesterday from the @yourjoyologistshop deck. It’s hard for me to absorb but I think I’m starting to get it. Maybe it’s just that what I want doesn’t look exactly how I think it’s supposed to look, so I need to remove my expectations. Maybe I’m limiting myself because I don’t think I deserve what I want. I dunno.
What I do know is telling myself “what I want wants me” makes me feel at ease. Now I just need to give myself permission to believe it.