Dinner tonight is a big bowl of spiralized zucchini noodles sautéed together with spinach, diced tomatoes, onion, and garlic, plus some lean turkey meatballs for extra protein and roasted tomato pasta sauce. Honest update - these past few days have been really hard. My anxiety is worse than it’s been in a long time and i’m having a really difficult time coping with everything. Last night it all came out in one big exhaustion-fuelled breakdown of tears and I realized how much I really am struggling. Everything has hit me at once over the past few weeks and it’s been overwhelming. I’ve take some huge steps forward in terms of my overall recovery, but the day-to-day stuff is what’s hard. Dealing with calorie increases and digestion discomforts, distorted/negative body image issues, a lack of sleep, isolating myself, feeling a (possibly paranoid) lack of support/invalidation, my shifts at work are getting harder and I barely have the energy to get through them, I notice my body is physically hurting a lot more often, my body & mind feel weighted down and heavy...I crawl into bed at night completely exhausted in every possible way and wake up feeling much the same. These days are hard. Recovery is hard. And when there are more bad days than good ones it’s so hard to stay motivated to fight when all I want to do is crawl into bed and hide from the world for a while...but I know all these challenges will still be there when I eventually come back. It’s hard to see the bigger picture or the “end goal” right now so I am trying to stay positive and focus on other good things - the little wins, the little moments where things aren’t so bad. I had a good talk with my mom last night, I put my phone away for a couple hours and had a bath, I had this delicious meal for dinner tonight, I am currently obsessing over the new season of Broadchurch on netflix.... There are good things. It’s hard to see them these days but I just need to keep reminding myself they’re there. Hoping for a good sleep tonight and a fresh start tomorrow!
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new day, fresh start 🦋🌾
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This pic's from yesterday but this story's from 2night. • Srsly contemplated counting my cals just now🤔. • Why? • Cuz I ate a lot. Cuz I'm rly full- • So e.d. brain that still likes to poke its ugly good-4-nuthin head up every once in a while, tryna lure me back in w/ empty promises & shit was all lyke-----> • • "Hey bb girl u kno what would make u feel reeeeeal good right about now?? If you added up those kcals, u kno, just ta ~s e e~......So, how bout it suga?" • • • And after a hot minute of temptation I was all like-----> • • "GET OUTTA HERE U SMOOTH-TALKIN' LYIN' SON OF A GUN!!!! I DON'T NEED NO CALORIE-COUNTIN 2NIGHT BOI CUZ DIS CHICK ALREADY KNOWS SHE IS WORTHY, LOVABLE AND SAFE EVEN W/ A FULL & SLIGHTLY HURTIN' BELLY !!!!!" • • And then he peaced so clearly I won and now I'm gonna move the hell on and clean my hamster's cage.
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FDOE !!!!!! Cals idk, meals are also kinda idk Bc I threw stuff together! But dinner was fruit/veg curry with lettuce cups and MMM MMMMM MMMM YUM #vegan #FDOE #Fruit #Crurry #UnknownCalories #Bul#Bulimiavery #Bulimia #15DaysClean
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Recovery is hard. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely milestones that feel amazing and are worth celebrating. There are also parts of recovery that just plain suck. But the only way out is through. Remember to enjoy the journey though. If it was easy, we wouldn’t grow. QUESTION: My therapist suggested going to group. Have any if you done that? What was it like? Did you like it? Let me know in the comments or dms! #keepfightingwarrior
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dessert 🍨 and with this i've posted everything i ate today, minus a starbucks sweet n low iced tea! --- 137kcal - simple truth low cow light ice cream vanilla bean (.5 cup / 60 kcal) - 1/5 of a giant mom-made gluten freepeanut butter oatmeal m&m cookie (76kcal) 🌈✨ #food #foodlog #fooddiary #foodstagram #howieat #whatieat #mea#meal> #meal #glutenfree #glutenfreelife #celiac #eatingwell #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #bulimiarecovery #bedrecovery #cico #caloriecounting #dessert #icecream #cookie #halotop #fakehalotopactually
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