Jefferson Bethke @jeffersonbethke
2k Posts
215k Followers
1k Following
Married to @alyssajoybethke. I write books and talk on the internet. Encouraging and equipping parents through @familyteams. Enrollment open for 👇🏼
2k Posts
215k Followers
1k Following
Married to @alyssajoybethke. I write books and talk on the internet. Encouraging and equipping parents through @familyteams. Enrollment open for 👇🏼
Let’s talk about toxic people. That’s a phrase I hear a lot. ‘Oh that friend? She’s toxic.’ And honestly she just very well may be! But what if sometimes we use that word too loosely? What if instead of toxic maybe the person is difficult? And what if Jesus actually wants to grow US and our capacity to love and make us more like him by how we love that person, even when it’s hard? Because the truth is I think we live in a culture where relationships are very cheap. We want low risk, low effort everything, including our relationships. But that’s not how love works. And in that process we might just miss out on our own growth. This is just a little summary of our podcast episode this week on #thereallifepodcast. Have you listened yet? What did you think? What stood out? There is clearly a spectrum with this issue, and places and relationships where HARD boundaries need to be set. And there’s times WE have to be healthy enough to love well or else it won’t go well either. So many thoughts though and just something I’ve been pondering. Would love to hear your thoughts after you take a listen to this week’s episode. Also, forgive my singing AND getting the words wrong in the middle of the episode 🤣😂
6k 156
You’ve probably heard me say this before, but there was one singular moment that changed our marriage and family forever a few years ago. It was when our mentors, the Pryors, said ‘Jeff, Alyssa is the smoke alarm of your family. She’ll sense a ‘fire’ or breakdown before anyone else in the family. Stop blaming the smoke alarm and instead listen to it and go put the fire out. She’s trying to save you guys.’ YIKES. Up until that point Alyssa and I kept butting heads because I saw her sensitivity as a weakness. But it was that day I realized it’s an enormous strength. And the true weakness was ME as the husband and father, not equipping her or resourcing her well for us to flourish. Her sensitivity is something that has literally saved our marriage when I listen to it. It’s saved us from hardened hearts. Over committing to things. Running ourselves busy. Saying yes to things that will crush us. She’s the first line of defense for our marriage and family and so now when she has reservations about something I say THANK YOU. Thank you for leading us and keeping watch and protecting the very core and essence of our team. It sometimes shocks me to think what we’d look like if we didn’t have that conversation with the Pryors. If we didn’t have people in our lives who were walking WITH us and let us be an open book and ask them anything. Proverbs tells us to PURSUE wisdom. Literally, chase it. And it’ll go well for you if you do it says. What would it look like if we chased mentorship and wisdom and truth for our marriage and family? Invested in the relationship that matters most and will impact and affect our legacy 200 years from now more than any business or venture of ours? It was those questions, and hearing from you guys, that led us to create Homeroom. We went public with it yesterday and it’s already been so overwhelming and amazing to see marriages and families saying ‘Let’s do this! We want to be intentional and build something that will last and change the world.’ And that’s what Homeroom is. A virtual small group and membership program hosted by us and the Pryors. And we’d love to have y’all! Link in profile for more info.
9k 269
SWIPE RIGHT | That awesome moment your wife asks you to edit pictures on the SD card and you come across this INCREDIBLE sequence 🤣 talk about trying to get the shot but then your baby starts taking a tumble 😂
13k 146
THE BRAINTRUST | Whenever I see a picture of me and Alyssa all I can think of is our braintrust (if you were at IF or listened to the podcast today, then you know 😉). And feel a deep sense of gratitude and thankfulness to Jesus. I’m almost speechless when I think about it. Why? Because now three kids in, ten years into our relationship, and a bunch of other big decisions in between, we are hands down PRODUCTS of our braintrust. We just flat out would not be the same people. We’ve avoided countless land mines. Made much wiser decisions. Gotten incredible and impeccable advice and help right in the moments we’ve needed it the most. All because of a a tiny group of just a few people that we radically chase and expose it all to, and intentionally ask them to tell us hard things (and they have and do 🤣😅). We’ve called them. Flown across the world to meet with them. Lived with them for small amounts of time. Asked them if we could simply just watch them. In their house. With their kids. At their dinner table. And it’s just so humbling to look back on that after a handful of years and actually start to really see just how your life is pretty much the summation of saying yes to the braintrust over a long period of time. And to envision our marriage and family and personal lives if we would’ve tried to do it ourselves. To think we could have. Or to think we should have. That would’ve been a disaster. One question I always ask myself with growth and feedback and pursuing instruction is, what am I afraid of? What are we afraid of? If God’s goal for us is to be formed into the image His son, which is for our joy and His glory, why would we want to not accelerate that process? Every step we take towards Jesus is another step closer to genuine humanness and a flourishing existence. Don’t we want that? The fast track there is to apprentice under Jesus. And to apprentice under Jesus usually means to apprentice under others farther ahead of you who love Him too. Who’s your braintrust? Do you have one? Have you pursued one? #ifgathering2019 #thereallifepodcast
8k 72
Guys, I HAVE A NEW SPEAKING SHIRT! And I liked it so much I decided to wear it two days in a row 😂 Holy cow though, in bigger news, what an incredible and deeply humbling last two days speaking at #xo2019 and then #ifgathering2019. It honestly makes me speechless to think about what a joy it is to open up the scriptures and talk about fun and random ideas with y’all, that hopefully come back around to Jesus at the end 🤣 what a privilege too to be in a room and learn from such brilliant thinkers and people who write books I read and who have had such a profound impact on alyssa and me. Unreal. Is this real life? What a privilege and what a gift, that’s all 100% enabled by my amazing family back home sending me out on mission (go read @alyssajoybethke’s post from this morning if you haven’t. I honestly felt their prayers and love so much this morning). And honestly it’s been so special to share things these last two days that have been such a journey for us the last few years also. Rhythms & mentorship. Two things we’d be dead in the water without. They are so vital and have only confirmed in us that this is God’s way for growth and intimacy with Himself. In real life relationships. At tables. Following others who have gone before us, as they apprentice under Jesus themselves. What a gift. PS did anyone tune in to XO or IF? So fun to meet and hear from some of you guys these last few days.
5k 97
Let’s talk about poop and sewage. No, seriously. Have you ever wondered how the invention of modern plumbing has fundamentally changed us as humans? No? Well I have 😂 and I’ve thought about it for a long time and there are some interesting themes I see every day in our culture in relation to it so we made a whole podcast about it that came out this morning. Did you know how we actually viewed sewage 200 years ago is FUNDAMENTALLY different than how we see it today and that shift is deeply fascinating and has had a few pretty harmful results (I explain a few ways in the podcast). But not just literally, but also metaphorically does this point stick. One quick change is our absolute refusal to let our messy parts or ugliness have an actual particular purpose. Our highest value is to remove it not use it. Out of sight out of mind. But is staring at the mess right in the face ever helpful? Does it change how we relate to things? I think so, and modern plumbing and the breakdown of agriculture is a great metaphor for our lives. Anyone listened to the podcast episode yet? And are you more like Alyssa where you’re like bruh this doesn’t make sense or more like me who thinks weird thoughts and then speaks them outloud? 😂 and also this picture of Lucy is basically the face alyssa made at me for half the podcast! Ha so stoked to hear the conversation around this one this week! #thereallifepodcast
5k 89
It’s back and it’s FREE!! Who’s in?! Link in profile to sign up. Give us a little hand raise emoji in comments if you want to level up your marriage and family 🙋🏻‍♂️ it’s pretty simple: daily challenges and emails that’ll give you some tips and teaching to take your marriage and family to the next level. To flourish. To be healthy. And guess what? It includes a private Facebook group with Alyssa and me, so we can’t wait to meet you all and take this journey soon! Who’s in?!
1k 274
Get in your kids face and get in their space. Something we try super hard to do. In fact, there’s been some really good research to show that ‘collecting your child’ day in and day out is one of the best parent habits we can cultivate. What is collecting your child? It was coined by Gordon Neufeld in the book ‘Hold Onto Your Kids’ and means: 1) get in their space and face IN A GOOD WAY. Most times we only get really close to our kids in moments of frustration or discipline. But we need to get in their space and face even more so in love and connection. Eye contact. Moments of ‘I love you. Do you know that?’ And little nods and smiles. All the time. Every day. 2) always doing number one, specifically on any rejoining together after being apart or before separating. That means when the kids get home after being somewhere without me, I make sure to get up and go straight to them and welcome them home with eye contact, joy, and love. And same when I send them off somewhere. 3) make it a ritual. You want repetitive, specific moments of insider language and intimacy. For me and Kinsley that’s our ‘shaka pound’ which means we do shaka’s (Hawaii, duh) and then give each other a pound with them and then explode them and wiggle our fingers while we say ‘sprinklesssssss’ 😂 sounds funny when I type it out, but you get the picture. Sometimes it’s the smallest little habits cultivated over two decades that really will have an impact on our kids. Small daily things can have a large impact over time, and it’s no different with connection and parenting. #jeffsdadthoughts @familyteams
10k 154