I had dinner with an old friend today who I haven't seen in a full year.
I left Beijing 3.5 years ago and she stayed. We spoke about how much has changed, our individual journeys to where we are now. How we chose different paths and locations and people yet how our paths keep crossing and how we've changed, how this city has changed and how this city changed us. We joked about writing a book: 'chronicals of soju and cocain' 'wudaokou ren on a mission of self destruction' 'fml.cn' deng deng. 😂
Walking round the areas that used to be our standard Friday and Saturday nights out and how most of it ceases to exist. How the hutongs are being diminished, how jiubajie no longer exists. It's strange to think that everything that formed my experience here, from the areas i'd frequent to the people i surrounded myself with just no longer exist in the way they did.
This is my 5th trip back to Beijing and my 7th back to China since waking up one morning and deciding something had to change - and that that something was me. I booked flights home and decided it was game over.
Now I am leading a life I unknowingly manifested. Leaving china but not really leaving. Doing something I love (most of the time) and putting myself onto a path of forgiveness and most importantly self-acceptance.
Moving to Beijing was the best thing I ever did and moving home was the second best thing I ever did. But today, it all kind of made sense, for the very first time since July 2014 I appreciated being here, for all of its gutrenching heartbreaking magical life changing memories this city brings up for me. All of it has lead me to who I am today.
I ❤ BJ (pun intended) .
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