The most #influential song for both my art and mood recently... @kendricklamar Feel.
When I first heard it I was so worried for him. I was deeply interested in what his #life might be like and if he was ok. It was the same visceral experience the first time I heard #Tupac’s Me Against The World. I remember crying, listening to that on the way to high school. I remember being concerned with how he was doing in life, on a spiritual level. Like was he safe. I wondered why was that the feeling. Had to unpack shit and I wasn’t interested. But I found myself laying on a cardboard on the floor of my room. Crying again. Fuuuuck! Fuck #tears, man! Fuck these tears that swell up inside me. Fuck these tears can’t change shit! Fuck these useless ass tears. Fuck this #MS and these bullshit #meds! Fuck the system that fucks with #healthcare! Fuck them #doctors that are only as smart and human as the colleges and law allows! Fuck this pain coursing through my legs EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Fuck this #withdrawal and all the #sideeffects from meds I never wanted to take but now my insurance ain’t covering! Fuck these bullshit #constituents and #politicians, that don’t rep us! Fuck these tears, ain’t bringing my folks back! But these tears all I got right now. This hurt. This disappointment. It’s the straws. These are the straws I can grasp at to make me feel something other than this vast emptiness. But when alone and there’s nothing but me and silence. I #scream. I just scream! I recognize the scream in their work. It’s the scream that we share in this #art that makes the connection. Pac felt like my cousin because I could hear the scream behind the track. Kendrick feels like the homie because I get that scream. I’ve heard it over Ls in living rooms that seemed smaller over the course of unexpected honesty. That’s what art gives you, emotional exchange. It’s suppose be sincere. It’s suppose to be vulnerable. It’s suppose to be hella #scary. It’s #human. It’s more than we deserve as people sometimes because we don’t recognize that strength. You are letting me into a slice of your life that may be uncomfortable. The artist is giving you something to grow on. Something they grew on.
Scream XV (¿Cuántos días más?): Continúo con los gritos y lamentos que comencé a grabar hace unos meses. Como ya dije lejos de querer que parezca una imitación de "Schrei X" de la diosa Diamanda Galás, estos gritos surgieron autoexplorando mi voz y a mí mismo y como alternativa para liberar estrés. Están grabados directamente en el móvil y sin ningún tratamiento musical. Los autorretratos han sido escogidos al azar para no dejar una imagen en negro.