Soldag☀️☀️ Ja vi fikk se sola i noen minutter☀️☀️ The sun is back in Tromsø☀️
There will always be darkness... and I would find myself seeking comfort there when I couldn't identify my suffering. It was easy for me to just stay there, hibernate, and dream of a place that wasn't representing my reality. That darkness was a reflection of my inner most demons. It was a place where I self loathed. It became so normal that I thought it was impossible to feel happiness and so darkness became my home.
My fortress walls came crashing down and I didn't know how to survive. Every little piece that fell, I drowned a little more because I didn't know how to fix it or sit within the chaos that I organized and avoided all at the same time. What was I supposed to do now when all I knew was numbed out pain? And every time another wall fell, I had no choice but to feel the mother load of all self destruction.
Sometimes when there is a massive blockage, it leaves a trail of light to come through. Sometimes we fear the light because we don't feel worthy enough. But the more I broke down, the more the light reached my vulnerability that in my moment of weakness, I had to make a choice. I either had to remain a victim or become the wrecking ball of my fortress. Everything came crashing forth and I noticed that light was all that remained. I looked at the remnants and sat there dumbfounded at all that I ignored and it made me cry because of how beautiful it really was. It was years of self preservation that kept me prisoner of my pain but Divinity gave me the choice to surrender and I did. I never took the time to accept and feel everything all at once but I chose to live in light instead. Light always prevails but I will always honor both. @kbaquiran