I’m officially 7 years cancer-free today 🌻
When I was going through treatment, I read somewhere that every seven years, our bodies will have replaced all of its cells with new ones. I later learned that this was just poetic wishful thinking, and that your body doesn’t actually regenerate itself every seven years. But, despite that, I took comfort in the beautiful thought that in seven years I might have a body that cancer had not touched. For some reason I held onto the thought of Year Seven as my official "finish line."
But today doesn’t really feel like a finish line. I don’t think I will ever fully heal from this. My anxiety manifests as irritability and insecurity and I feel bitter and stupid that I can't just "get over it." I feel restless at the thought of wasting my time with things that don't make me happy. I have asked myself "why” almost every day since the day I was diagnosed. I’ve wondered why I was given such a great burden to carry on my shoulders for the rest of my life. I feel very weighed down and alone in my emotions because no one seems to understand why I’m so afraid of something that already happened or why I replay those moments in my head on a daily basis. For the past seven years, I have been searching for the answers that don’t exist. But in demanding answers, I also found truths. I know that my personal meaning of life is to love and be loved. I know that happiness and positivity are the most important things in the world. I know that your physical appearance is not your soul. I have learned patience and compassion and bravery I didn’t think existed. And for all this, I feel blessed beyond words.
Take care of yourselves, be the light, and do all things with love ❤️