I’m not going to lie, I’m really struggling right now. I am eating, I will just say that first. But it’s a real, real battle. My emetophobia is clutching me and pinning me down pretty much every second of the day. Both when I’m eating and when I’m not eating. It’s making it really hard to continue. I will fight with everything I’ve got, I promise. But it’s just so difficult. I can’t relax. I can’t sit still. I never feel safe because the thing I want to escape is my own body. I’m scared of my body. I’m scared of food. I’m scared of facing my phobia. I always feel ill and I just can’t escape it. I’m unsure what will happen next and I just seem to try and get through each day, unable to think about the future, just getting through the day. But I need to remind myself I will be okay. I need to face whatever comes. I need to be BRAVE. BRAVERY IS KEY, in recovery from anything. I need to remind myself that there are lots of people there for me, and whenever I feel lonely I have to think about my family, my support network, and of course all of my lovely friends here on Instagram. I HAVE to get through this otherwise I will never know the life that was meant to be mine.
I’m sorry for the rawness of this post, but that’s what real life is. Life with a phobia is not fun and games. Especially when you can’t escape your phobia. I really do just need to take one minute at a time, one breath at a time.
On the plus side, this nice cream was delicious (even though I was 9/10 anxious whilst eating it😆). Never mind, there are many more days I can have it again. I will get there one day🍀🌙💗 #breakfast#smoothie#smoothiebowl#nicecream#chocolate#cacao#banana#berries#vegan#plantbased#strawberries#raspberries#blueberries#almonds#coconutbowl#healthyfood#emetophobia#anorexia#eatingdisorder#recovery#positivity
Goood morning❤️❤️❤️ after a night with nightmares about hospitals😓 I woke up and made myself my usual delicious comforting bowl of #carrot 🥕🥕🥕 #blueberries 🍇🍇🍇 #flaxseeds#soymilk#cinnamon#peaprotein#turmeric#oats 😍😍😍 topped with #walnuts 🌰🌰🌰 #coconut 🥥🥥🥥 and #chiaseeds 😊 // thank you for your kind comments💕💕💕 I appreciate them a lot... idk how to live without all of you❤️🙈 well HUGE CHALLENGE TODAY as I’m going to EAT OUT😱😱😱 for lunch😱😱😱 yesss ana is screaming and telling me to restrict but that’s not the way to go right?😓🙈 I will try my best and keep you updated❤️❤️❤️