When I first started, 800 days ago, I had no idea getting sober entailed more than just not drinking. It actually involves a lot of work to dig deep and weed out the wreckage of your life. All my adult life fear, anxiety, insecurity, anger and resentments have controlled me. Some people wouldn't of seen it but I sure felt it. Treating feelings as if they were the plague. My alcohol abuse began with self medication and the desire to just neutralise these unpleasant emotions. Self soothing with drink however, isn't advisable. I was selfish, self centered, arrogant and defensive. Running on my own will. I was utterly miserable and I didn't know why. After everything fell apart (which was inevitable) and I was headlong deep into my addiction, I thought I better get help. I had failed miserably to 'control' myself. Norfolk Recovery Partnership sent me to a residential rehab facility in Norwich and I stayed for ten weeks. I vowed to get my life back - but better.
When I started, I was anxious about the future. How would I cope? Not being able to drink at parties? New years eve? Christmas and holidays? Will I ever go into a pub or bar and not drink? Go on a plane and not drink?
I'm quite pleased to say that I've done all those things sober. The things I thought difficult were actually not so bad. Others things surprised me. I hadn't considered going to the football to be a trigger or watching EastEnders (they are constantly drinking on that programme). Going on a sober date is beyond awkward. I haven't done too many of those as a consequence. In various meetings I've heard a few opinions. Your worst day in sobriety is better than your best day drinking. I don't agree. I've had some great times drinking. Otherwise I wouldn't of tried to (pointlessly) 'control' it. I understand the sentiment though. Someone once said to me 'you have two lives. The second one starts when you realize you only have one'. Its something I hold onto when I'm feeling low or things are out of control. 800 days ago I drank because I had to not because I wanted to. Now I have a choice. I choose sobriety.
[Source of the quote by Bill W.: 'PASS IT ON' (New York, N.Y.: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc., 1984), 171. For the photo, see kreizker.net.]
To learn more about the Christianity in A.A. cofounder Bill W.'s life, see: Dick B., "The Conversion of Bill W.: More on the Creator’s Role in Early A.A.":
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Get "the rest of the story" at "Dick B. on Recovery." #ChristianityInEarlyAA ☝👍 😀
Fun to me these days? It’s about being present, being myself. Last night I was the only one not drinking yet apparently I was the one that seemed more drunk as I was laughing so much. Im happy in my own sober skin to enjoy myself regardless. It’s the people, the venue, the music, that makes a good night out - not the booze. I couldn’t stop getting drunk every time I drank so I knew it was time to stop. Never been happier! Also no sugar for last 2 months and haven’t felt this good in years!