Day 13 of the #wlsfeb18photochallenge was #transformationtuesday. Againnnn, not Tuesday, but you know the drill.
5 year difference between these pics. My classic mirror pose. Lol! The only time I ever took mirror pics like this were when I was losing weight and feeling good about myself. I was down to one of my lowest in that first pic at around 200 lbs. (And still going tanning everyday) I hardly look like the same person. It's crazy!
Day 11 of the #wlsfeb18photochallenge was #mystory so for my newer followers who wanted to know a little about my story, here it is.
My name is Caitlin and I'm 28 years old. I struggled with my weight my ENTIRE life. (I was only 11 years old when I went on my first diet, Weight Watchers.) I've fluctuated a lot throughout the course of my life, however even at my lowest weights, I was still obese. The lowest I got down to prior to surgery was around 190. (I'm 5'3 for reference) I tried fad diet after fad diet. I've done WW multiple times, Nutrisystem, Atkins, 5 Hour Body, South Beach and more. Each time I'd lose a bunch of weight, but give up after 5 months or so and put it all back on. This was more than 15 years of gaining and losing over and over and over.
In winter/spring of 2016, I went through a really bad period of depression (with my school closing and completely losing all my credits/student teaching/thousandssss of dollars in tuition money, leaving my job as a pre-k teacher and and having to move back home from my incredible apartment to my parent's house) and I ballooned up to my heaviest weight. It was then that I first began looking into weight loss surgery.
I was incredibly fortunate in my journey. Much more so than most. Being on Medicaid, my entire surgery and all of the pre and post op appointments were 100% covered by a fabulous and prominent Bariatric unit right here on Long Island. It was a long road. They required about 20 different doctor's visits, tests and screenings, so between my first appointment at the surgeons office and my actual surgery was about 8 months. But, I was not required to do any sort of pre-op diet monitoring. (I did have to do 2 weeks of clear liquids only, but that was a surgery requirement, not insurance.)
My surgeon's office told me that often times with Medicaid, the request is denied 2 or 3 times but that eventually they'd accept it. Mine was accepted on the first request. One week after the request went in, I got a call saying I could schedule my surgery for two weeks from then.
Since surgery, I've gotten down to 162, my lowest weight ever for a total of a 92 pound loss. (Con't on next post)
Day 10 of the #wlsfeb18photochallenge was #weakness / #challenges. This is a repost from @roxxyyy_vsg_getsfit. And appropriately, my birth month is my actual biggest weakness. 🍕🍕🍕
I truly love my job at the pizza place. It's such a great environment, I work with so many amazing people, and it's honestly a lot of fun. And it's fancy brick oven, margherita pizza with completely fresh ingredients, and very thin crust.... So when I started there, I never really felt guilty about taking advantage of my free meal per shift by getting one, personal-sized pie because I could only eat 1 maybeeee 2 slices. (For reference- The personal pies are about the equivalent of 2 slices of regular, NY pizza and they're cut into 6 slices) But now, 16 months out of surgery. I can eat almost a full half at a time. And oh my god you guys!!!! This pizza is sooooooo good. And the cooks love me and always hook me up with whatever I want on it. And it's just so, so, so hard to say no😭😭
So my new goal for @mariahlosing 's #dietbet.... NO MORE PIZZA!!!!!
Day 8 of #wlsfeb18photochallenge was #throwbackthursday.... Again, it's not Thursday, but I'm still catching up🤦🏻♀️
This picture was taken summer of 2016, just a few months before surgery. I was dog/house sitting at my aunt's house and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and just broke down crying at what I saw. I had been to sooooo many doctor's appointments in hopes of getting the surgery, but it just felt so far out of reach and my fucked-up, negative brain told me that it was probably never going to actually happen for me and I was probably destined to be a forever fatty. When I finally pulled myself together, I snapped this photo, so that whenever I finally DID wind up having the surgery, I would remember that moment and laugh about it. Just a couple months later, I got the call saying I had been approved and asking when I wanted to schedule my surgery for. And now that I'm looking back at this picture, I'm truly so glad I stopped to capture that moment. Because my god, how far I've come.
If you're just beginning the process and it seems like it's still so far from your grasp, please hang in there. Don't lose hope!!!
Just joined @mariahlosing 's #dietbet and I'm so excited about it!! Thanks for hosting this girl! Definitely needed something like this to help keep me on track and get me away from 'maintaining' and back to losing again! Go sign up and let's all do this together!!💪🏼💪🏼
Day 6 of the #wlsfeb18photochallenge was #besttip. This may seem like an obvious one, but it's something I've been trying to really focus on lately. DRINK YOUR WATER!!!! It's taken me awhile to actually track and learn from the way lack of water negatively affects my body. But let me tell you, it affects it A LOT!!!! Ive been using this app recently, called Plant Nanny, to help with my water intake. It's fantastic! You have to keep your plants alive by feeding them enough water, and it sends you reminders throughout the day to drink! I recommend checking it out, it's definitely helped me a lot! #plantnanny
Day 5 of the #wlsfeb18photochallenge was #motivationmonday. It's not Monday, but I'm still trying to catch up! It's been a hectic few days trying to catch up on homework that I missed bc of my trip. But here's my Friday contribution to motivation Monday.
This is so important and it's something that I still struggle with every single day. Having major depression for most of my life has kinda conditioned me to hate myself. Appearance and otherwise. Over the past few years, I've been working on it, but still having a tough time. This last year has helped tremendously. It's not just about losing the weight and looking better, but about how much I've grown, how much work I've put in and how much I've bettered myself. But I'm still in the process of learning how to love myself. I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
Day 3 of #wlsfeb18photochallenge was #thestruggleisreal. For me, one of my biggest struggles is alcohol. Not in the sense that I struggle not to drink it. I swear I'm not an alcoholic!! I just struggle when it comes to drinking now. So many people told me that their tolerance to alcohol didn't change one bit after surgery. Mine changed DRASTICALLY. And since surgery, I've had a few nights where I've gotten into some serious trouble because of it. Because fat Caitlin could REALLY put 'em back. Shot after shot after shot, mixed drinks and wine one after another. I had the highest tolerance ever and it was tough to actually out-drink me. That has changed so much. I have nights now, where three glasses of wine have me close to black-out status. I had a night recently that ended with my head in the toilet for hours on end and the world's worst hangover the next day. I had 2 margaritas and one shot and that was IT!!!! But..... I will also have nights where I feel like pre-surgery Caitlin. Where I can keep downing drink after drink and be perfectly fine. I've contemplated whether my food intake of the day impacts this, but it honestly seems like it's mostly random. Has anyone experienced this constant fluctuation in tolerance? Has anyone else had to tap out after two drinks one night, but then be able to drink an entire liquor store the next night? This is getting frustrating, as I never know what kind of night I'm going to wind up having!😫
Day 2 of the #wlsfeb18photochallenge is #whyimdoingthis. Also making it a #throwbackthursday with this one. Why I'm doing this, is for this girl right here. Little 18-year-old Caitlin, 10 and a half years ago on her very first day away at college. I'm doing this for you girl! For all the parties/fun college events you skipped because you hated the way you looked. For the parties you DID go to, only to hide yourself in a corner or play wingman for your cute, thin friends. For all the times you cried yourself to sleep because you couldn't enjoy college the way you were supposed to. And for the time you literally left school and moved back home because you were just THAT depressed. This is for you. We did it! 🙌🏼 We shed the weight and we're HAPPY! Legitimately happy! We go out and we have fun and we feel hot and we get hit on and we don't let self loathing or insecurity get in the way anymore!!!
#wlsfeb18photochallenge#day1#nsv .... Crossing my freaking legs!! When I was heavy, I would have to TRY to cross my legs. But I'd have to legit pick up my leg, and push my calf fat out of the way before I could. And when I finally got the position right, it would feel sooooo awkward and uncomfortable.... I'm sure it looked awkward and uncomfortable too. But now, I honestly feel weird if I DON'T have my legs crossed. It's just a natural thing now, and I don't even think about it!
PS- @curvygymrat I freaking miss you so much and we need another one of these nights ASAPPPPPP!!!!
Catching up on a bunch of #sds tags while I procrastinate doing homework on my lunch break. About to walk into my next class superrrr unprepared. But hey. C's get degrees, amirite?🤷🏻♀️
PS- had my #rosegoldbeats#solo3 for about a month now and still obsessed. But do they start to bother anyone else's ears after 30 minutes or so? Also- not as noise cancelling as I thought they'd be. But they're still fucking beautifulllllll😍
And thisssss I'm stealing from the incredible @flabbulously_sleeved! Using this as a way to take more pictures and get on Instagram more! (Probably gonna miss a few days because of SEATTLE!!!! But I'll make up for them in a photo set when I get back!) #wlsfeb18photochallenge
Starts tomorrow! Hop on board!
It's so funny to me when I superrrrrrr restricted days now. Being just about 16 months out of surgery, my appetite is definitely bigger and therefore so are my portions. Some days I have more or less restriction than others, but for the most part, I'm definitely eating much more than I was my first year out. But everyyyy once in a while I'll have a day where I feel fresh out of surgery again and I literally have to force myself to eat. Today was one of those days. This was my entire day. The Quest bar was 2 portions, the proffee took me 3 and a half hours to drink and tonight's dinner- coconut crusted chicken tenders and avocado fries homemade by yours truly- had me full after 3 fries and 2 bites of chicken. It's now been 5 hours since my mini dinner, and I can still feel it🤢
I trieddddd to compensate for my lack of protein/fiber today by drinking tons of water, but failed miserably. I had a really hard time getting water down today too.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better!
#caitlinsfoodlog#wlseats#wlsmeals#vsg#vsgeats#vsgmeals#healthyeating#weightloss#weightlossjournal#weightlossjourney#weightlosssuport#weightlossmotivation#weightlosssurgery #vsg #verticalsleeve#vsgsupport#wlscommunity#wlssupport#vsgcrew#fitness
Yes I flipped the picture, lol.
LIU Post student! So happy!! Only been to one day of classes so far but I'm loving it. The campus is amazing, my classes seem really interesting and (most of) my professors seem really awesome. Also, the commute is really easy and very close to babysitting. How did I not come to this school sooner?!?! The only negative is there are practically no continuing adult students. All my classes are filled with 20 year olds, so probably not going to making many friends or going to a lot of campus events. But I'm only here for a year so that's alright.
I'm very happy😁
So this year, I printed out my resolutions to hang on my wall, right next to the mirror so I'm forced to look at it every single morning when I'm getting ready to start my day. 2017 was an incredible year. One of the best of my entire life to be honest. But I'm ready for 2018 to be even better and that begins with bettering myself.
Let's do this! 💪🏼
Breesy HATES snow, and she's literally just been sitting on the bay window ledge for an hour, watching the snow with this sad look on her face😂
My New Year's #transformationtuesday!! January 2016 vs January 2017. 194lbs vs 162lbs (maybe a little more- holiday bloat is so real🤦🏻♀️)
The first picture was my first time at the gym post surgery. If you scroll back to that post, you'll see that I wrote "I HATE going to the gym, but I'm hoping this time around will be different." I truly believed that I would always hate the gym and hate working out in any form. I was dedicated to going, because I knew it would be an integral part of my weight loss journey, but man, it was the worstttt chore imaginable!
Every single diet I've been on throughout my life (and there have been A LOT), I despised working out. I tried so many different forms of exercise, and no matter what it was, it was just awful. Fast forward only one year later, and I can't imagine my life without the gym! Can it still be a chore sometimes? Absolutely. There are many days- like today- when I'm exhausteddd after a full day of work, and it's cold as balls, and I want nothing more than to snuggle up with my pup in bed and watch TV. And getting up and going is just the worsttttt. But I know once I'm there, I'll love it, and once I leave, I'll feel so proud and accomplished. And legitimately happy!! I always thought the whole "exercise releases endorphins" thing was crap, but I am seriously never as happy as when I first finish a workout.
If you're new to this journey and dreading beginning the exercise portion, like I was, trust me when I tell you that you'll grow to love it!
(PS- both of these pictures are immediately post-workout. Notice how red-faced and sweaty I am in the first picture. I was veryyyy out of shape. I still sweat and get a little flushed, but not nearly as much now.)